Hello! -

COLIN THE FAGGOT'S FAQ TO RPING GAY SEX


Hi, my name's Colin. I, like a lot of you, enjoy RPing. And, as the title above just explained, I am a queer. I am a dude who has sucked down dongs, taken it up the ass, and so on. But, more important than just the sex, I've been in gay relationships, too.

Now, gay pairings, or yaoi pairings, or whatever the fucks you wanna call 'em, are incredibly popular on livejournal. They're nigh omnipresent on RPs, and probably outweigh het pairings, and most assuredly are several times larger than lesbian pairings. This is all due to reasons far too complicated to get into here and would take a research paper on the burst of appeal of gay sex to young women in the last three decades or so, and I'm not here to do that.

What I am here to do is educate a bit on the Do's and Do Not's of RPing gay sex and gay relationships. Mostly the Do Not's. Complain at me for YOU CAN'T TELL ME HOW TO HAVE A DUDE TAKE A DONG IN THE ASS later, you can read this FAQ and completely ignore it all you want.

And so, into the breach.

GAY SETUPS

This'll actually be the meat and potatoes of the FAQ, right here. Gay setups are that which concerns 'How in the fuck do I get my character into a gay relationship?' This is important, since, generally, gay RPs do not feature characters that are canonly homosexual or in canonly homosexual relationships. When's the last time you've seen someone RP Dee Laytner and Ryo from FAKE? People tend to pick characters who are not already stated as gay or already in a relationship, because RPing the buildup is exciting. No judgment being passed here - to require that you only RP characters who are already stated firmly in the series as being a queer cocksucker would be kind of ridiculous, after all. But what is important (at least in the context of ridiculous pretendy fun time gays) is how you pull it off.

Right now, I'm going to go through a lot of Do Not's. There are a lot of popular gay setups out there, and to be quite frank, a lot of them are incredibly fucking retarded and make me seethe impotently over the internet about how goddamn backwards someone could be about gay men.

NUMBER ONE: GETTING DRUNK AND SUCKING A BEST FRIEND'S DONG/A KINDA FRIEND'S DONG/A TOTAL STRANGER'S DONG

Right, okay, this one is dumb as all get out, but I can see why people would pick it in a pinch. Alcohol is said to lower your inhibitions, 'liquid confidence' as it is sometimes called. And people can all do dumb things when they're drunk. Question to ask yourself, though: Have you ever been totally fucking wasted/seen someone totally fucking wasted? Let's make this more personally applicable. Were we talking a woman and another woman here, or you (And, I'm assuming here, that you are a woman, as are the vast majority of lj RPers) and another woman, how much booze would it take you to get to sleep with that woman? Question still counts even if you already like other girls. How much Jack Daniels would you have to slam down your gullet before you'd sleep with another girl, perhaps one you hardly know, or, possibly even the harder of choices, one who you've known all your life?

Booze doesn't turn us all into nymphomaniac inhibitionless retarded fucking machines, is the point. Booze, is, in fact, a depressant, and generally, any sex you have while smashed as all get out is likely to be rather unsatisfying. The stuff isn't an energy drink loaded with guarana and Vitamin D and blah blah blah. Sure, it makes you more likely to do something stupid, but it also slows your body down.

Perhaps the situation is this. Your characters are interested in each other, but too nervous to say it. So you go HEY, ALCOHOL as the solution to this, since it makes their lips loose. Two things to consider here.

Having sex while boozed up might actually feel damaging to some people after the fact, and -

Is there any reason your characters couldn't have gotten over that nervousness a different way, or did you just wanna jump straight to the sex?

If you just wanted to jump straight to the sex, you're probably not gonna read the rest of this FAQ anyway, but hey, I'll keep going for shits and giggles.

NUMBER TWO: CROSSDRESSING

Right, this is another popular one, ever since Final Fantasy 7 had Cloud getting thrown into a purple kimono and presented to the ugliest pimp this side of Detroit. The basic jump is this - most men are attracted to women, throw a pretty enough dude into a dress, perhaps both dude in a dress and other dude gets new, exciting feelings for eachother that they just couldn't see before. There's lots of other ways for it to go about, too.

That, and the general connotations in most people's minds that cross dressing = gay anyway.

One, that's patently untrue. Plenty of dudes crossdress who do not want to fuck a dude. And not all of those dudes want to be women, either. There are, honest to god, straight men who crossdress who don't want to be women. There are transsexuals who crossdress, too, and there are also gay men who crossdress. Proof of the first example: Eddie Izzard. The dude likes women's clothing, but he also just plain likes women.

Of course, Eddie Izzard isn't as pretty as the usual boy in manga and whatnot, so that might be confusing to some people, but let's continue anyway.

Now, you may very well know that crossdressing =/= gay, but hell, you're going ahead with it anyway. I'll be frank.

IT'S DUMB.

Once again, you have to ask yourself - is this really what the characters need to do to get the gay on, or are you just taking a shortcut that requires little explanation before buttfuckery?

NUMBER THREE: RAPE

Hi! I officially hate the shit out of you, now.

Rape and molestation is a VERY popular setup for gay, not least of which is because of its prominence in Yaoi itself, both in doujins and in mainstream material - if I'm remembering correctly, even early shit ported to the states, specifically Gravitation, had it. It is, also, without a doubt, the most often worst RPed and offensively poor in taste and just about everything else that can be done wrong in an RP.

There are several categories of how rape and non-consensual sex are used as setups for gay, and all of them cause me equal amounts of hate in you.

A: GUY IS RAPED BY ANOTHER GUY, FALLS FOR HIM ANYWAY

You're retarded and I'm going to throw you down the stairs.

Rape is a shitty setup for an ongoing relationship under any circumstances. Were some dude, regardless of how good he looks, to stick his dick up my ass forcefully on the kitchen table, would you expect me to try and get an ongoing relationship with him? Would it be more likely that I'd try to throw him off, or hate everything about him and if I ever saw him again, I'd slam a knife into his gut? What, in god's name, would compel me or any other man, to want to go into a deeper relationship because some guy forced me to suck his cock?

Let's change the context again to further illustrate the point. Woman, raped by man. Should woman fall for him? Woman, raped by woman (And, oh, yes, it is possible, just like how a woman can rape a man). Should the woman find something ~*SPECIAL*~ about that woman who violated her?

Why would it be different because it's two guys?

B: GUY WAS RAPED, MOLESTED BY ANOTHER GUY, GETS (SEXUAL) COMFORT FROM ANOTHER GUY

Down the stairs, and over a bridge.

This is a terrible idea. If you were just felt up by a stranger, or worst, forcefully fucked by them, would your first inclination be 'THIS PAIN CAN BE HEALED BY SEX WITH SOMEONE I DO LIKE'.

Rape is complex, and D-A-M-A-G-I-N-G. Guy getting a dong crammed in his face isn't an opener for a gay man to say "Woah, hey, that's awful. Wanna fuck, since you're gay now? It'll make you feel better."

RPing rape is generally a bad idea, because, in all likeliness, you are gonna FUCK IT UP. Non-consensual sex just your kink and you wanna do it in private RPs with whoever? Okey-doke, that's your perogative. But if you're joining a community RP, that shit just doesn't fly. Casually RPing rape for the purpose of HOT MAN SEXIN'SSSSSS is just balgalglagluggghghghh awful and dumb.

C: GUYS WANT SEX ALL THE TIME ANYWAY SO IT AIN'T REALLY RAPE

Stuffing you into a box, shipping you to the Antarctic, dropping you in the ocean.

This is a common internet argument foisted out whenever there's a topic involving a man being raped by a woman. CAN'T RAPE THE WILLING AM I RIGHT GUYS HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA god shut up. It also comes out whenever a guy is raped by a guy, because the general belief is, if the guy didn't want it, he would've just fought him off or something, so of course he's a secret faggot who wanted to be raped.

It's dumb. It's fucking dumb. Especially when people connect arousal to wanting it. The body and the mind don't work on a 100 percent synchronization rate. A guy can pop a boner and not want to have sex. Someone can be forced to arousal. You know that whole 'No means no' thing? It applies to guys too. Just because a guy has a hardon doesn't mean he secretly wants it. Did you know guys sometimes pop boners randomly, for no reason at all, and under no control of their own! True facts. I call 'em awkward boners, because they usually happen in public places at bad times when there isn't even anything to get turned on by.

So for the love of holy fucking god, do not use rape as a shortcut for a gay relationship.

PART TWO: THE INTRICACIES OF GAY RELATIONSHIPS

Having covered the more popular shortcuts of throwing people into gay situations, here I'm gonna be talking about what happens once character has gotten to the point that they're in a gay relationship. It's gonna be shorter.

Now, I know RP allows you to do all the stuff you can't do in RL, and have all the amazing, drama-full things that don't ordinarily happen in our day to day lives.

And I also understand how RPing a regular relationship could be actually unappealing to a lot of people, becuase it just isn't as exciting.

That said.

GAY RELATIONSHIPS ARE PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF BEING HEALTHY AND HAPPY

Because, christ, holy fucking shit.

Not every dude, or most dudes, or open to the idea of a polyamorous homosexual or bisexual relationship, and might even be insulted at the suggestion. Not all gay men are drama bombs of miscommunication and misunderstanding just waiting to go off at each other. Most gay men, as are in fact MOST PEOPLE, not promiscuous as fuck, and won't bang any guy who comes around and just offers.

Basically, what I'm asking for out of you is this:

While you're spicing up your character's life with a bit of relationship drama, PLEASE TRY TO TEMPER IT OCCASIONALLY BY THINKING HOW A NORMAL GAY COUPLE WOULD HANDLE THINGS.

On a more specific note:

SEME AND UKE

I am surprised these terms are still around, but hey.

Seme and Uke are common terms, which, when generally used, refer to the 'top' and 'bottom' of a gay relationship, respectively.

However, Seme and Ukescarry a more unspoken, implied history to the words, and what they mean for a gay relationship.

Let's use the popular manga Gravitation as an example. In this, Yuki would most assuredly be the seme and Shuuichi would be the uke. Yuki is a cold asshole who constantly rebuffs Shuuichi's advances, because of his DARK PASSSSSST or something. Shuuichi is a bubbly, hyperactive guy who has a tendency to let his mind get away from him, misinterpret things and overreact, leading to further relationship problems, yet he clings on to Yuki no matter what.

This could be considered dedication, to some. To me, I'd call it a broken relationship - Yuki's a manipulative jerk, and Shuuichi could be considered so lonely that he'll always want Yuki no matter how horribly Yuki treats him.

Seme and Uks not only limit how you can develop your characters and their relationship, but honestly, it can also be heavily ooc, or, in fact, just a broken mess.

For a more well rounded character example, I'm going to call upon another popular manga brought around the same time, FAKE. FAKE, also focused on the boylove, could tentatively have Dee labeled as the seme and Ryo as the uke. Dee is more aggressive, and kind of a horndog, after all, with Ryo being the more shy, reserved guy.

However, when Dee gets too forwards and aggressive with his push to get some with Ryo, Ryo doesn't take his shit. Ryo pushes him off, has it interrupted, or whatever, because the man honestly wasn't fully comfortable of the idea of being with Dee just yet.

Relationships are not two dimensional, and don't even always require for someone to be a 'top' or 'bottom'. Gay men, like ANYBODY ELSE ON THE PLANET are more complex than that. I can't imagine the majority of people, including us fags, would put up with a possibly abusive relationship, either. Don't limit your character to such confining (and played out) power relationships! There's a lot more room to define out there in between two people.

PART THREE: HUGABUGABLGBLGBLG GAY SEX HUGABLGBLGBLG

You've probably all been told these a million times before, but I'm gonna repeat 'em anyway.

ASSES ARE NOT MAGICALLY SELF LUBRICATING

THE FIRST TIME HURTS

YES THAT IS TOO BIG TO FIT IN THERE

YOU CANNOT TALK WHILE YOUR MOUTH IS FULL OF COCK, IT'D COME OUT AS SOMETHING MUFFLED, SOUNDING EXACTLY LIKE, INCIDENTALLY: HUGABLUBLBGLBULBUBLGLBG

SEX CAN ACTUALLY BE KIND OF AWKWARD AND/OR HILARIOUS INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY SEXY, SOMETIMES

SOMETIMES PEOPLE CAN BE IN THE MOOD AT FIRST AND JUST LOSE INTEREST

IT TAKES TIME FOR A LOT OF GUYS TO GET COMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF FUCKING ANOTHER DUDE

That should be enough for now.

EPILOGUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

In closing, I'd just like to say, please try and take a little time to make the faggitude between your characters a bit more well developed. Roleplaying this complexity to relationships, to sex, to people in general might even feel really rewarding!

But seriously. Putting you in a box, dropping you into the Antarctic ocean.